Adrenaline Junkies are a Dime a Dozen

My wife and I never fight...but we did this once...and it just so happened to be last night...the fight really wasn't necessary but I found a way to mimic the Rocky Mountain Canary, and so things kinda escalated. We were driving in the car and she casually asked me if I had listened to the lyrics of a song to which I casually answered no. You may wonder how in the world this could mutate into a quarrel. I won't unpack the whole deal but to say that I have the proclivity to check out of my present and am mentally and emotionally invested somewhere else in the gray matter. This has much deeper implications than tuning out to the radio...there are heart and ultimately Gospel implications in my checking out.

In 1968 Bernie Krause, a bioacoustician (that is a dude that records the natural sounds of nature), could compile 1 hour of unpolluted audio of nature (that is no planes, trains, or cars...straight nature) from just 15 hours of recording. I say just 15 hours because today it takes over 2000 hours of recording to compile 1 hour of undisturbed sounds of nature. Our reality is wired into noise...constant stimulation and connection...to the point that there is empirical evidence that the modern world is rewiring us physiologically...we are adapting to a pace that operates out of shear adrenaline so that when that drive is cut off, we experience pain physically, emotionally, and mentally. Point in case: we take our phones to the bathroom...we can't even take dump alone (crass, yes, but true)...our ipod or radio has to be on as soon as we start the car...I and now my entire family has to sleep with not just a fan but one in every room of the house on....and on and on you could make a case. Silence can only be tolerated...well...it's just not tolerated...in our world, it's nearly impossible to find it or even create it (The irony: generating silence). Seems that adrenaline junkies are a dime a dozen.

Back to my world where I'm here but not really. The noise is in my head and in my heart. Life has a way of piling on. I can literally be sitting in front of the witty, humorous, intelligent, discerning, creative, deep, sexy wife of my youth and on the floor wrestling with my son and snuggling with my daughter and miss out on the utter, raw, beautiful gift that they are. I have only a few more months before my son is talking properly...only a few more months of heyacopta (helicopter) and swubseeb (slushy)...what a beautiful gift. My baby girl is already a year old and changes literally daily...One day I won't be able to delight in all her yum...kissing her thighs and her tummy...

Got one more irony for this post: the lyrics to that song playing in our car are this:

I'm swimming in the smoke / of bridges I have burned
So don't apologize / I'm losing what I don't deserve
It's in the blackened bones / of bridges I have burned
So don't apologize / I'm losing what I don't deserve
What I don't deserve
- Linkin Park

Next to justification, there is no greater Grace that I have than my wife and kiddos, and I want to...no, HAVE TO intentionally, ferociously, decisively kill the idol of stimulation for the sake of stimulation...it inevitably robs from my soul to the point of destruction. The New Testament authors continuously charge believers to be sober-minded, that is clear-headed and attuned into the present and into the graces that come through the Cross...my bride and my heritage.