Porcellana Signora

“In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.” Ephesian 5:28

Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life.  1 Peter 3:7

I can tell you a lot of things about my wife that I know, and I also can't tell you a lot of things about my wife that I should know.  But from the above verses, I can tell you she would probably have no qualms about the first one except that it seems like a pipe dream, but the second one would make her claws come out.  Peter always was the idiot I suppose, saying stupid crap to the point Jesus called him Satan; cutting people's ears off, and calling women weaker vessels?  Seems like for a husband to be "understanding" he'd better not call his wife a weaker vessel.  I know from experiential fact that my wife is smarter and tougher than me, laboring for 22 hours (including 2.5 hours of pushing) with my son, with not. even. one. Tylenol...and my daughter practically ripping her way out into the world.  How about this, she tried pulling the stitches out of her jaw while still sitting in the dentist chair after getting her wisdom teeth cut out.  I've learned as a pro complainer to try and keep any of my ailments from her knowledge, because she has an unreal pain threshold, and I can't afford to be a wimp.  BUT, sometimes I accidentally will bump her in bed...sometimes it is a pretty hard hit like an elbow to the neck when rolling over (I tend to flop), but for the most part very mild compared to the pain I've seen her handle, and you'd think I'd intentionally punched her in the nose.  She becomes offended and hurt.  Baffling?  I like to pretend I'm baffled and that I'm the victim, being attacked for nothing.  But...Reality.

Reality is that the Bible is 100 % true and helpful (2 Tim 3:16) and the boneheaded Peter, lets men on a not-so-secret secret about women.  When he calls them the "weaker" vessel, he is in no way suggesting that women are lesser in ANY way than men.  So, retract the claws, please, at least in one hand and let me unpack this. 

Weaker vessel is a reference to porcelain, that women are like porcelain, known for its considerable strength and hardness as well as its elasticity, glassiness, brittleness, translucence, beauty, and resonance.  I could elaborate on all of these attributes in women in a week's worth of posts.  The take-away point for husbands is to watch what comes out of your mouth towards them, watch how you touch them, watch how you handle them. They are not to be handled verbally or physically rough. Like porcelain. I think this plays out physically in not being a dope and accidentally breaking her bones when you flop over in bed, and by ferociously making time for just her with no other agenda but to enjoy her and do the things that make her know you love her...and I think this plays out spiritually by living and breathing the truths of the Bible consistently with relentless love, patience, clarity, gentleness, and tenderness.  Men are called to be nail-pierced servants to their wives.

Oh how I need the grace of Jesus to fill in my miserable, continual failures at this.  Sometimes irony is a disguise for His Grace:  my wife made a mixed CD once with songs that would remind me of her feelings and needs, and this song was on it:

"I Bruise Easily" by Natasha Bedingfield

My skin is like a map

Of where my heart has been

And I cant hide the marks

Its not a negative thing

So I let down my guard

Drop my defenses down by my clothes

I'm learning to fall

With no safety net to cushion the blow

I bruise easily

So be gentle when you handle me

There's a mark you leave

Like a love heart carved on a tree

I bruise easily

Can't scratch the surface

Without moving me underneath

I bruise easily

I bruise easily

I found your fingerprints

On a glass of wine

Do you know you're leaving them

All over this heart of mine too

But if I never take this leap of faith

I'll never know

So I'm learning to fall

With no safety net to cushion the blow

Anyone who can touch you

Can hurt you or heal you

Anyone who can reach you

Can love you or leave you

So be gentle... I bruise easily